I'm going to run for office and I'd like to thank Laura Ingraham for summarizing my platform. pic.twitter.com/zd7ecl1mpD

Laura Ingraham warned her elderly fan base that, if elected, Democrats will unleash the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Reading from Revelation 6:1-8, King Murdoch Version, she said:

I watched as the Lamb opened the first of the seven seals. Then I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice like thunder, "Come!"  I looked, and there before me was a white horse! Its libtard rider held a bottle of Levonorgestrel tablets.

When the Lamb opened the second seal, I heard the second living creature say, "Come!"  Then another horse came out, a fiery red one. Its libtard rider was given power to make peace on the earth and to make people sit on the couch and watch Netflix. To him was given a large bong.

When the Lamb opened the third seal, I heard the third living creature say, "Cum!" I looked, and there before me was a black horse! Its libtard rider was holding coupons for a free month of PornHub pro.  

When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature say, "Come!"  I looked, and there before me was a pale horse! Its libtard rider was named Cheney, and Thompson was following close behind her. They were given power over a twentieth of the earth to conduct fake hearings.

After the communists chuck former US presidents down the memory hole, they'll go after your beloved "characters" from the Bible (Og! The Nephilim! The Talking Donkey! Ehud!), warned Fox News's Bill Hemmer. The identical twins who appeared on his educational program were in agreement. READ THE REST

This educational moral panic slideshow from the 1960s highlights the danger of inhaling plastic model glue. I suspect the anecdotes and statistics are exaggerated but the slide art makes for excellent clip art! Good soundtrack, too. [Via r/ObscureMedia] READ THE REST

Dillon Shane Webb (23) of Florida was driving his truck on Sunday when a deputy pulled him over. The deputy informed Webb that the sticker in his rear window, which read, "I Eat Ass," was obscene and ordered Webb to remove one of the letters from the word "ass." According to the police report, the… READ THE REST

We thank our sponsor for making this content possible; it is not written by the editorial staff nor does it necessarily reflect its views. Communication is the key to, well, almost everything. Understanding and being understood is so core to the experience of life that species will do almost anything to make sure they're heard… READ THE REST

We thank our sponsor for making this content possible; it is not written by the editorial staff nor does it necessarily reflect its views. We know that technology can get overwhelming and is mostly very helpful, but none of your electronics can be good to you dead. Your phone is super useful daily, but it's your… READ THE REST

We thank our sponsor for making this content possible; it is not written by the editorial staff nor does it necessarily reflect its views. A reliable chainsaw is necessary once you become a homeowner, but it often takes a lot of effort to lift and operate. The Pocket ChainSaw is a must for anyone who needs to cut and… READ THE REST

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